June 24, 2015's Weekly Slap:


“Beach Slapped” is what it is because from the moment I first came to the Oregon Coast, most every moment I lived here, and even my last hours here, it was always about the beach. That wasn’t always true of my life, and perhaps that’s been my problem.

Growing up in Colorado, I was a long way from the beach. I don’t care what anyone says, lounging next to a giant lake/ civic water supply is not the beach.


BartonGroverHowe.com:Where to keep up with humor writer Barton Grover Howe. Here, you'll find all of his Beach Slapped columns from The News-Times in Lincoln County, Oregon, excerpts from his latest books and the occasional random musing that would get him fired if he published it in a family newspaper.

Foreign Shores

Whether it was my globe-trotting job with Disney On Ice, academic travels in grad school, or just a love of getting out on the open road, I've been to 25 countries outside of the United States on five different continents - and made fun of everything somewhere along the way.
     During those travels I often found myself jotting down my thoughts in 600 to 1000-word nuggets and sending them off to whoever would read. It was my first foray into what I recognize now was writing a regular column. (And, much to my horror, blogging; I still hate reading those.)
     Re-reading them after many years I am surprised by how well many of them hold up. Genius? No, but fun, nonetheless. Who knows, you might even learn something, and my apologies up front if you do. As I dig more of these up from other places, I'll get them on here.

Japan: I poop, therefore I'm confused - July, 2000
Japan: I think I know what it is. Perhaps I'll eat it - July, 2000
Japan: 110 degrees of porn laundry - August, 2000
Japan: And you thought American airports were messed up - August, 2000
Japan: I hope it's not a custom to expel me - August, 2000
The Philippines: Manila: Where New Year's is a blast, literally - January, 2001
Taiwan: Superbowl Monday - January, 2001
Taiwan: testicular fish and other wonders of diving - February, 2001
China: Happy rails to you - April, 2003